Last night I had another dream that I believe had some kind of significance, and interestingly, it was again a night before I was to go to a conference of the Pedagogy Students. However, I happened to miss the bus and they couldn’t call me cause my mobile still hasn’t shown back up. But it’s not that far this time (in the “city” of Halden, close to the Swedish border), so I’ll take the train there first thing tomorrow morning. I don’t know whether the prospect of attending those conferences (with the overly high percentage of women/girls that know no greater joy in life but hanging around small screaming pre-school kids all life) give me a sudden flash back to my own current situation as a single, or whether it’s just that I happen to remember the dreams on these exact nights as I wake up abruptly, and not through the normal cycle which usually makes one forget about ones dreams.
In either case, last night I was presented with yet another dream for me to interpret. This time it wasn’t quiet as crazy and open to interpretation as last time, but it still left me somewhat confused this morning…
The plot of the dream was really rather short measured in amount of time that the actions took. But the amount of reflection and thought processes that I conducted while dreaming must have taken quiet a while.
But lets look at the setting and plot: We are somewhere with lots of people my age. With all likelihood this is connected to university, some seminar, some political activity or so. This probably happens at the start of a meeting which is part of some greater gathering. Or at least I think I have been around the others for a while; I know them. The dream starts when I am about to enter the room where the meeting is about to take place, and so some are in there already when I enter, but certainly not everybody that is supposed to come, so there is still time to just talk informally. When entering, I notice that the others sit in a loosely formed circle (there are maybe 3-8 other sitting there already) and so I am heading to the far side of the circle, passing right through the middle of it.
Now for some reason I am wearing blue jeans. And not enough with that: my jeans actually have lots of holes that have probably been put in there on purpose (you know, the way some wear blue jeans). Now somewhere around my left butt check there is a hole about the combined size of my middle and index fingers. Or rather, it’s not a whole, but it’s “see through” hanging there on about 50-60 strings that are connected to the rest of the fabric.
Now when I’m about half way through the circle, a girl grabs the piece of fabric and pulls lightly, and I am aware that she is only joking. Nothing rally happens, but I have been stopped temporarily. The girl has black or dark brown curly hair and she is a relatively large figure, but not fat in any way. She only holds on for about a second or two, and although she lets me go and grins, I respond – I believe by wrestling her to the ground i an equally joking manner.
But while I’m still facing the black haired girl, there is another girl, who is sitting about where I was heading to start with, and she pulls at the very same piece of cloth. Interestingly she is pulling both harder and for a longer amount of time. To me this is pretty clear: she expects a reaction from me that is going further compared to how I responded to the curly black haired girl. When I turn around, she grins sheepishly. Now I have been thinking most of today who this girl could be, but I am now pretty certain that she is not supposed to be anyone I know in real life – exactly in order to make a point on a generalized level. In the dream however, I am pretty certain that I am not only interested in her, but that she has also shown some interest in me. She is rather small, and does not have a very high “babe factor” – she has light brown and not too long hair and she wears a strikingly red pullover that is o, but certainly isn’t “cool” or that lends her attractiveness in any extra way. So the attraction I feel must come from some other place – proably the conversations we have had, although I only know the feeling I feel right then and not the history behind it right then.
I choose to respond stronger, and while everybody looks I lift her up and kiss her on her forehead (I probably wrestled her as well, but I can’t remember that). When I sit down, I make sure to sit with some distance (3 feet/1 meter). At this time, my action can still be understood as “just kidding,” or at least so I think. When I am sitting we’re facing oneanother and she says (in Norwegian): “Johannes, I wanted you to kiss me!” She says it so that everybody can hear it, and in my dream it is clear that kissing on the forehead doesn’t count as kissing. However, although I am almost 100% certain that she really means that, I am a little afraid that she might just e kidding. And I answer: “I didn’t quite dare doing that yet!” Now my statement is also supposed to be equally ambiguous, just in case. Now that was my last word. while we are sitting the, the room fills up and the chance is lost. And all I can think of is “if only I had…”, before I wake up.
And there I think is the entire message: now when should one dare to be completely unambiguous about ones feelings? When should one stop making sure that there’s still another escape route and another possible way to interpret ones actions? Although I don’t the answer, I think I know that I haven’t found that place yet…
Have a good night everybody!